Crazy Newspaper Edition 1
14 february 2005

3 proofs that aliens do exist

Do you believe in aliens or don't you? From now on, this question is outdated. I always felt they existed. Don't you remember, a short time ago, you were laying in your bed in the dark, and then suddenly you saw two eyes in front of you. You thought it was a dream, huh? It's not. It's now proven: aliens do exist! Here are the proofs.

  1. Elvis is not dead


    I saw him a few weeks ago on the market and he told me he was kidnapped by some aliens, who took him to their planet. But they did some weird stuff with his brain (but I couldn't understand what) and now he forgot most of it, that's a pitty. But he managed to escape and now he's back on earth!

    The problem was that nobody recognized him (he looked like a tramp and smelled a bit) and that he had no money. That's why he asked me to take a shower at my home (Elvis Presley took a shower at my place! What an honour!) and to give him some money to buy an airplane ticket to return to the States. BTW did you know that a ticket from Belgium to New York is worth 2000$ ?

    That's a lot of money, but he assured me that he would repay me back including a "small" reward (he wasn't very clear about this, but I understood 10% of all his money) and he would let me stay at his place. And then he went away with the money, and from then on he didn't contact me. But my waiting won't be long, as he said he would send the money quick.

    That's my first proof. And remember, Elvis Presley is not dead, he was kidnapped by aliens and he took a shower at my place!

  2. Space travel is fake

    large grey alien

    If you always believed that humankind travelled to the moon and that Neill Amstrong was the first human to set a foot on it, then you're wrong. I was that stupid too, but after reading some articles on the internet, I realised it's so obious that NASA is nothing but a huge conspiracy of liars. The whole moon thing is filmed on a soundstage in Nevada’s Area 51, directed by Stanley Kubrick, who was forced to make the movie. The following is the classical view on the "space" history.

    It all started with John F Kennedy. One of the reasons he was murdered by the CIA, was that he wanted to cancel the Apollo program. Too many people were going to make too much money from faking the lunar program, so Apollo had to continue.

    The Soviet Union didn't win the "space race", because they lacked the filmmaking technology of the United States and thus were unable to fake their own moon missions. They really tried (!) to send real cosmonauts to the moon, but, as you can imagine, they failed. This is stated as the best proof that space travel is impossible with our human technology. You need at least extraterrestrial technology.

    Nowadays, computer technology is so advanced that faking new space landings is a piece of cake. It's easy to imagine why George W Bush announced a new Mars program. NASA is right now remodeling the Area 51 soundstage. Apparently, the fat guy who directed the Lord of the Rings movies is in charge of the project.

    But what I think is the real story, is that the United States had access to the flying saucer technology recovered at Roswell in 1947. So who forbade it? The aliens, is the only possible answer. They must have gotten control over America and maybe over the rest of the world. They forced Stanley Kubrick to make the fake space movies. Did you ever ask yourself why Bush makes such a weird decisions? The aliens made them for him!

© Steve Bondings 2004-2005
Page 3