Crazy Newspaper Edition 1
Business/Religion
14 february 2005
McDisgusting - I'm hatin' it

Remarkably, the McDisgusting salad will actually be sold in all the McDonalds stores in the coming few months as a normal salad of the Salad Plus gamma. The McDisgusting includes a chickpea patty made from whole cooked chickpeas and vegetables blended with spices and combined with McDonald's selection of salad mix, low fat mayonnaise and a herb focaccia bun.

All together the McDisgusting contains just 10 grams of fat. The type of fat in the McDisgusting comes mainly from canola oil, a healthy mono-unsaturated type of fat and there is no animal fat. Importantly, McDonalds agree not to offer the McDisgusting with "fries and coke" as an extra value meal. The McDonalds 'Salads Plus' menu provides a selection of healthy food choices to complete a healthy meal including a yoghurt, fresh fruit and a choice of two salads.

The simulation

Once, somewhere in some universe, John was annoyed. He couldn't get concentrated. All those stupid exercises! He hated his world. Then he suddenly thought if there possibly could be a worse world? At that moment he got the idea to start a simulation.

First he gathered all the information he needed to make such a simulation. He always knew his programming skills would become useful someday. He quickly programmed his simulation as only a few basic constants like mass and energy were needed and some simple input and output. Piece of cake. Just a few moments later, he started his simulation. Galaxies were formed in a few minutes. Stars began shining and planets began to form.

But then it stopped suddenly and he received the message that some potential intelligent life was discovered. And it all started here.

He already thought a long time about everything that was needed to make this new world worse than his own. His two basic needs were WRONG INFORMATION and EGOISM. Assuming the second one was already formed by evolution, he only focused at the first one.

That meant he had to avoid the truth as much as possible. His first idea was that the people he shaped should never know who shaped them. So he created the first of all his lies: RELIGION.

He gave a different religion to every group, but to all the same illusion: God. Instead of handling on their own, this believe learned them to trust in God and pray. It's obvious that this will lead to some major problems, and not only a huge waste of time.

Every group of religious people thinks they believe in the right God, strengthened by their initial egoism. They start to make war in the name of their Gods (God bless the Crusaders) to capture 'holy' places or just to destroy those 'unbelieving dogs'.

But religion was not enough for our John. That's why he created LANGUAGES, knowing this will only unable the communication and thus enforce the wrong information. This will enlarge the group effect, what means more wars.

John always wanted to become a writer. The only problem was that nobody bought the book he wrote, being a bunch of funny stories with no logic in it. He called it 'The Bible' and published it on Earth (that's how he called his new world) as a holy book and it became a bestseller.

As final act, to create more chaos, he creates news companies that distribute fake news stories like CNN and BBC.

But as time passed, he realized what a mess his experience made. John decided to stop all those lies to make our world a better place. And then came Crazy News ...

Always Coca Cola

(Important message from a Coca Cola employee.)
Last week I lost my golden teeth at work. It probably fell in a bottle. It's a family piece and thus very important to me.
If you find it, please contact me at golden_teeth(at)crazy-news.net.



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© Steve Bondings 2004-2005
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