Crazy Newspaper Edition 1
Media and Events
14 february 2005

Michael Jackson has Mad Cow Disease

What many people always thought, was yesterday confirmed by a large team of doctors. According to doctor Thomas H Johnson (head of the team), Michael Jackson suffers from the Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy (BSE), widely known as the Mad Cow Disease. A few weeks ago they came to the conclusion that Jackson appeared to have all the symptoms of this severe disease and the medical team immediately took a blood proof and came to this awful conclusion.

Michael Jackson

The exact cause of BSE is not known but it is generally accepted by the scientific community that the likely cause of BSE is cannibalism, which resulted in infectious forms of a type of protein, prions, normally found in animals. In cattle with BSE, these abnormal prions initially occur in the small intestines and tonsils, and are found in central nervous tissues, such as the brain and spinal cord, and other tissues of infected animals experiencing later stages of the disease.

Some rumors, which we will not hush up at Crazy News, say that cannibalism is the real cause in this case. According to these rumors Michael Jackson ate the foremost parts of his nose. This would have caused the formation of the malicious prions, and the beginning of the Mad Cow Disease for Michael.

There is no need to panic about this severe disease. It is very rare and the FDA and other federal agencies have had preventive measures in place to reduce the U.S. consumer's risk of exposure to any BSE-contaminated meat and food products. However, if you suffer from the combination of the same symptoms as Michael Jackson, you are strongly advised to contact the medical assistance immediately. Here is a list of the major symptoms of Michael Jackson:

  • A very sudden change in the color of the skin. Most patients become totally pale.
  • Making strange movements with legs and hands.
  • Making weird sounds that look like a mixture of singing and crying.
  • Waking up next to children you never saw before in your whole life.
  • Standing in front of a mirror and not being able to conclude if you are a girl or a boy.
  • Thinking that babies love to fly from balconies.
  • Parts of the body, like noses, that begin to shrink suddenly.
Breaking News:Reports confirm that Michael Jackson has just died from BSE.

Baxunia, the rabbit of George W Bush

The rabbit Baxunia

That president George W Bush has a dog is widely known. But the fact he has a rabbit as a pet was kept top secret until now. The rabbit, Baxunia, has black eyes and a white-grey and very soft fur, according to Bush. And he follows the president wherever he goes in the white house. Bush really seems to care about him.

But apparently, general Peter J Schoomaker (Department of Oil Securing, former Department of Defense) is suffering from rabbitofobia; he is scared of rabbits and tries to escape from the room as soon as Baxunia enters it. According to many rumours, this is the reason why Schoomaker almost never returns to America and lives the whole year in his headquarter in the Middle East.

And why did Bush reveal his secret? Well, the FBI must have found out about our new award, the Crazy Pet of the year, with its first edition in 2005. We have completely no idea how they managed to do that, but at least we have our fist candidate for our Crazy Pet 2005.

© Steve Bondings 2004-2005
Page 8